Who Else Can Say What You Say?

(Unfortunately, All Your Competitors, That's Who!)

by Rich Harshaw

In a recent article, we talked about the platitude trap that most businesses fall into when trying to write good marketing. Platitudes are words or phrases that are drearily commonplace and predictable that lack power to evoke interest through over-use or repetition that nevertheless, are stated as though they were original or significant. I built a pretty solid case that says that most businesses--including yours--are certifiable plat-a-holics... serving up ad after ad of platitude-laden drivel that's less compelling than a Terrell Owens apology.

Have no fear--my platitude antidote is here. And it comes in the form of platitude evaluations you can use to self-critique your own stuff before boring the entire world with it. The first evaluation, by way of reminder, was the "Well, I would hope so!" evaluation... designed to get you to consider just how silly some of the things you put in your ads can sound to the average reader or listener. In today's article, we press forward with a tasty sampling of anti-platitude ammo--including two additional evaluations. 

Platitude Evaluation #2: "Who Else Can Say That?" This is similar to evaluation #1--and is also a product of the era of the brand builders. Pay close attention to this one; the question is not who else can do what you do. The question is who else can say what you say. The answer is usually.... anybody and everybody.

One time we consulted with an auto repair facility that was by FAR the most awesome business of its kind we have ever seen. They had 63 bays, 11 mechanics who were fully ASE certified in all 8 areas of specialization, and twice as much hi-tech equipment as any dealership, and floors so clean you could eat off of them. They turn out 95% of all jobs in less than 24 hours, and unconditionally guaranteed all repairs. If you ever called in to check the status of your car, they would patch you directly through to the TECHNICIAN working on your car via 900 MHz phone and he would tell you personally how things were going. They had a waiting room that included a play area for your kids, free drinks and snacks, magazines that were actually current, and bathrooms cleaner than you'll find in your house. This place kicked some serious butt. They put competitors out of business every year--and devoured their market share in the process. Their inside reality was literally second to none.

But they had a big marketing problem: Even though nobody could even come close to performing at their level, their advertising looked virtually identical to all of their less-competent competitors. Their yellow pages ad, for instance, used the same generalities and platitudes as everybody else: "ASE certified mechanics. Foreign and Domestic Cars Serviced. And then a long laundry list of services performed....ranging from air conditioners to brakes to transmissions...and get this...they accept Visa and MasterCard. Holy smokes. If you were paying attention a minute ago, you will already recognize that it fails the, "Well I would hope so!" test. But then ask this question: "Who else can say that."

We asked the owner and the service manager that very question, and the service manager started to get really upset with us. "There's nobody else that can even touch us. The dealerships bring cars to us that THEY can't fix. Our mechanics are far and away the best in the state. Nobody... and I mean nobody can say what we say." I was a little nervous; the guy was all bent out of shape. He was screaming and flailing around; snot was flying out of the guy's nose he was so mad. It's about the closest we've ever come to getting in a fistfight during a consultation! So finally, to try to prove the point in a civil way, I told the owner to pull out the Yellow Pages and see what all of his competitors were saying. Let's just say, his jaw hung open for about two minutes.... before he pointed at the page and said to the service manager... Look. I know this guy. He's terrible. His ad says the exact same thing that ours does. In fact, I think he copied our layout and verbiage... word for word."  He looked at the page and saw that all of the ads were virtually identical to his. There was no way to deny it, not when you're staring at the evidence. That's what we call, SELF-EVIDENCE. Remember, it is not who can do what you do, it is who can SAY, what you are saying.  

Platitudes don't allow your business to separate itself from your competitors, and let your inside reality shine through. As we go through the MYM System, I am going to show you how to communicate you are inside reality to your prospects in a compelling way that will build an outside perception worthy of your company that nobody else can copy. Your advertising will be damning to less worthy competitors because they won't be able to say what you say because of the specificity, and you will win every time.

Here are a couple more examples: A big Barbecue Catering Company said: "The flavor and taste of our quality meats gives you the best BBQ you've ever eaten." (Yawning): drearily commonplace. Everyone would say the exact same thing. It also wouldn't pass the "Well I would hope so test" either.

Guess What Industry This Is: "Experienced staff; company in business 35 years. Research & Development of new technology. Customer service always available. I'm always available to client after the sale." Any clue as to their inside reality? This could be any company, any industry. These remarks are all drearily commonplace and lack power to evoke interest through overuse or repetition.

Platitude Evaluation #3: Scratch-Out-Write-In: Here's the last quick platitude detection evaluation, then we need to move on: it's called the scratch out, write in test. Look at your brochure or advertisement. Now scratch your name out and write in your competitor's name. If the ad is still valid.... if there wouldn't need to be any additional changes, then you've failed the test. Now, get your competitor's ad and scratch out their name and write in yours. Does this exercise after listening to this program... it could be very revealing? I think you'll find that you run pretty high on the platitude meter. I think you'll find that you're inside reality, excellent as it may be, is nowhere to be found, lost in a mucky swamp of platitudes, and never revealed.

To get the most out of these articles, you really need to evaluate your own materials against the platitude evaluations.... Well I would hope so, who else can say that, and the scratch-out write-in evaluations. While you're pondering that, I also want to give you some examples from other people's bad marketing.

The first one is the ad for the auto repair shop with the phenomenal inside reality that I talked about just a minute ago. I said earlier that their ad didn't do a good job of portraying their inside reality. Well, now you can see what I mean. It's so full of platitudes it's pathetic. By the way, what is a Rotech Diagnostic System anyway? And what does it mean to be servicing New R134A? Nobody knows, but they felt it was important enough to include.  Now look at the ad for the Sharp Copier Dealer. Get ready to peg the platitude meter. Right there at the beginning, you've got the headline Sharp Image with the words quality and reliability underneath. Wow, that's original and significant. Then the first line reads "Sharp Copiers and Southwest Office Systems bring a higher level of productivity to your office. Well I'd hope so. Who else can say that? Do you really believe that? "High volume performance, outstanding reliability, and razor sharp copy quality keep you ahead of your copying demands." "Sales and service excellence are the cornerstones of our family owned business... blah blah blah blah blah." Do you know what this reminds me of? Do you remember watching those Peanuts cartoon specials on TV back in the seventies... with Charlie Brown and Snoopy? Remember what would happen in those cartoons whenever one of the kids would talk to an adult? Whenever the adults would speak, you wouldn't actually hear the words they were saying; instead, all you would hear was (WAH WAH WAH WAH SOUND).... Remember that! (WAH WAH WAH WAH ) That's exactly what this ad sounds like... and any ad that's full of platitudes. Let's read it one more time:

"Sharp copiers and Southwest Office Systems bring a higher level of (WAH WAH WAH WAH) to your office. High volume performance, outstanding reliability, and razor sharp (WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH) are the cornerstones of our family owned (WAH WAH WAH). Sounds about right, doesn't it!

Is this making sense to you? Is it evident that this might be a problem for you now, a tremendous competitive advantage if you could figure out how to fix it? We will cover the "Marketing Equation" in the next article. I will show you exactly how to fix this problem and get rid of the platitudes forever. I'm going to show you how to become a communications powerhouse, make your outside perception become a good reflection of your inside reality, and start to get the results from your marketing that you SHOULD be getting.

Next article...